The Sooner You Decenter Men, The Better
“Mom, I am a rich man” -Cher
Decentering men in your life means shifting your focus and energy away from men and their needs, desires, or approval. It involves reevaluating relationships, behaviors, and societal norms that prioritize men and making conscious decisions to prioritize yourself, your growth, and your well-being. Sounds great right? Okay well it’s not always that simple, it’s almost as if men have been the focus of everything always, oh wait….
Here are ten reasonable things you can do this week to start decentering men.
Shift your media consumption: Starting easy here, this could be watching a female-directed movie, reading a book about women’s stories or lived experiences, listening to a podcast hosted by women, reading an article by someone who is non-binary, the list goes on.
Support Women-Owned Businesses: Make the effort to go to coffee shops owned and operated by women. Need to pick up a new lip liner? Maybe try a new brand, I love this one from Kosas Cosmetics.
Watch women’s sports: Perfect timing with the Olympics just getting underway, and women’s gymnastics is of course the most entertaining sport, hands down.
Rethink the household responsibilities: If you live with your boyfriend, fiancé, husband, etc. do you catch yourself doing most of the invisible labor without even realizing it? Make the effort, share household responsibilities, and delegate work more evenly, even if it means having an uncomfortable conversation, it will be well worth it in the long run.
Start engaging politically: Educate yourself on the policies that impact women, at both the federal and local levels. Voting and supporting policies that protect reproductive rights, LGBTQ+ rights, and pay equity are extremely important.
Assess your future goals: Think about your professional and personal ambitions without letting the opinions or influence of men dictate your choices. Ensure you are not basing your ambitions on having a man in your life. There is nothing wrong with wanting a partner, but make sure you can be happy and fulfilled by yourself first. These understandings are important in discovering a life trajectory for yourself that is shaped by personal choices and actions, not any external influences.
Learn how to seek fulfillment internally: If you are ever going to stop seeking validation from men, you need to start receiving acceptance and fulfillment elsewhere, and the best place to find it is within yourself. Make sure you are engaging in passions and hobbies that make you feel good and bring you joy, whatever that is for you.
Evaluate your interpersonal relationships: There is nothing more valuable than your female friendships, make sure you are honoring them. Moreover, with all of the relationships in your life, think about how much emotional and physical energy you are investing, and make sure those relationships are beneficial and fulfilling.
Take some time to self-reflect: Now listen up, I said these would be reasonable, not easy. It’s important to look inward and see how societal norms have and continue to influence your behavior and self-image. Decentering men means that focus is shifting elsewhere, it encourages us to explore our full potential and develop a stronger sense of self.
Continue educating yourself: These tips are just scratching the surface, it’s important to continue learning about decentering men and all that entails. I recommend Who Cooked the Last Supper? The Women’s History of the World by Rosalind Miles if you are interested in women’s history, or Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After by Bella DePaulo if you are more drawn to learning about relationships and psychology.
Decentering men is a liberating journey of reclaiming your own life and priorities, embracing the power of the divine feminine, and fostering a more inclusive and fulfilling path forward for all. I wish you all the best on this journey.
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